extended sleep
Photo by Daniel Spase from Pexels / Graphic Design by Sappy Alternatives
these past few days i've only been getting sleep for lunch (at work). my sex drive is through the roof + i just want to sleep all day. yeah, that's right – just sleep and fuck. i used to do that a lot back when i still used marijuana. i wish i had some right now, or that i was still smoking. but maybe i just really want to sleep all day long and get a new sex toy.
maybe a vibrating dildo.
i am happy that my anxiety is over. i don't really think about the situation with his kids anymore. i did ask him if he was even planning to introduce me to them. he was like, nah, i don't want to interfere with their lives anymore. can we just forget about it?
okay, let's just forget that you have two kids with this woman who lives about a half hour's drive from your place. fine. i'll just get sleep and have orgasms all day long.
so, yeah, i'm resting my case. i am so exhausted about being consumed by this whole “blended family” thing, like we even have a family to begin with. i guess i should just shut up about his ex-family. i've turned off my public commenting on facebook by the way, to avoid any harassment in the future.
like i even care about harassment anymore. i'm so fucked already.
and i'm so light-skinned now. i used to be sun-tanned pretty much all the time, but now, i look a little...korean.
i won't be surfing anytime soon. probably this july and/or august i'll go. take a week off work to go surfing.
i still have my fingers crossed about conceiving a child. been trying since feb. it's april now. i've started to browse r/infertility and prepare for the worst.
i guess the greatest insult in my life would be the fact that he got two women pregnant but couldn't have a child with me. because we don't deserve kids. because i was a long-time slut and he abandoned three poor kids.
when you realize that fate doesn't have much in stock, a good option is to just get extended sleep. be a beach bum. write stuff. exist like a worm. work out for a six pack. surf till you get burned.
for now it's just sleep.