“Why Did His Mistress Exist?”: Five Answers From The Other Woman
Truly bitchy truths ahead.
I came to his life not wanting anything else – nothing apart from good company, sex, and a few hits from his pipe. I told you this when you threatened over the phone and called me a wrecker of a “one great love”.
Girl, I knew you were his girlfriend (okay, well, he did lie and didn’t tell me you were married) and I didn’t really care about you (or your marriage, after I decided that I wanted to keep seeing him); and as far as I was concerned, your relationship was already broken before I entered the picture.
Let me explain what I mean using a list of five statements.
1. You’re not really having sex anymore.
Before me, there were lots of other women. Some he met and used only for a night, some he just sort of played with before throwing away. But what’s the difference between all of us and you?
We were all potentially exciting sex partners; a guaranteed lay and moments of pleasure; worthy of giving one try to see what we could offer. We were new bodies, a fresh sight. Fuck dolls who could give him what he wants, if he seduced us enough.
You, on the other hand, were a part-baby, part-lady who couldn’t handle the least bit of hair pulling. You told me this yourself – sometimes you’d look into his eyes and fall into tears because he just wouldn’t fuck you. Your man wanted to fuck – viciously hard – but you wouldn’t come out of your comfort zone.
Surprisingly though, you could come outside the boundaries of your marriage and fuck other people, too.
Maybe you were having an open marriage, but how could I tell? Openness ought to be about transparency, and based on the situation, you were just both cheating on each other...because you weren’t having sex anymore.
2. He can’t talk to you anymore.
Can you imagine what it’s like: living with a person you can’t really talk to when you’re just about to explode? When you have a million thoughts in your head and crippling anxieties about the future, but there is no way you could put them into words, because you just can’t find a way to...talk?
I remember once, when we were hanging out at a convenience store, you sent him a text to which he replied.
I saw it. It was cute; you were each other’s “cat”.
“I’m getting jealous,” I said.
“There’s no reason to be jealous. The intimacy that we share is different from this.”
Nowadays, this statement makes me really want to punch him in the face. But there was some truth to it back then.
While you were the woman of his life, his first love and now-wife, you somehow missed the opportunity to be his confidante. He couldn’t mouth to you the struggles of life, how he is barely able to provide and survive, due to his fear of seeming vulnerable to you.
You would always ask him, “What are your plans for us?” but fail to see that he was a lost boy at 23 years old.
3. You didn’t wear your wedding ring.
I knew that you were married in secret. Your parents disapproved of him, and they could take you away; he was scared of losing you.
So you guys kept a facade and made up stories. You even introduced him to some of your friends as a brother – which he would describe to me later on as “fucked up crazy hilarious”. Pretty thing you have the same eyes.
Didn’t you ever realize that the boy also needs some acknowledgement? Maybe if you made a real husband out of him, he would start acting like one.
4. You were both selfish.
I wouldn’t doubt that you were seriously in love when you tied the knot. But didn’t you choose him because he proved to be the only one who stayed, the only one who would always come back to you? After all, you were his first everything.
So when your manipulative parents threatened to marry you off with some business tycoon’s son, you went ahead and married your one great love. Your marriage was a huge F.U. on your parents’ faces, and also your way of saying that nothing could pull you apart. You never established the “no fucking other people” rule in your relationship, took advantage of this fact, proceeded to have side guys, and then bitched about it when I came into his life.
He, on the other hand, considered you as his very first and only love, and would go to great lengths just to have you again – even if it meant fucking up his entire 20’s.
Both of you simply wanted to have your own way and it just so happened that you were sailing on the same boat.
5. His love for you, however real or delusional it may seem, was just absolutely stubborn.
He would never give you up for me, no matter how many cracks there were in your relationship. Maybe your marriage, or at least the first three of it, was just a fantasy bond – a roleplay between two souls, seeking belongingness and warmth in the coldest of places.
He couldn’t leave you. For many years, he firmly believed that you defined an essential part of him, and that he couldn’t exist as he should, if he didn’t have you in his life.
Due to this thinking, he never had another lover nor gave himself another chance; all he knew was how to come back and chase you. In spite of a stained ego and a broken heart, he stood by your side.
Even if it was the most fucked up situation – being forced into a polygamous relationship when all he wanted was someone or something to fill his cup – he just sucked it all up and traded his zest for life.
This was something I myself couldn’t do, so I left him. I hurt him because I took away his confidante, his playmate, his lover. And I was badly hurt too: I gave up a losing fight, knowing that I would forever just bear the stamp of being the Other Woman if I held on to my love.
I knew I deserved better.
Nowadays, he is still lurking in Tinder. In fact, we matched again.