can't autopilot
purpose, balance, and calm in life isn't a given.
sometimes i forget how to just be okay.
so during my 15-minute break, i decided to do squats, wall-pushups, and leg lifts in the bathroom stall. now i'm listening to post malone.
my body feels good. it's quite better than after-sex bliss.
i haven't worked out in weeks. these past few days, i've been sleeping a little too much, the kind that's already causing me headaches and blurred vision. i've been basically...letting go. i just want to sleep, and sleep, and not be here anymore.
but right now, while typing this, i realize that purpose, balance, and calm in life isn't a given. not in my life. i gotta work for it. i can't autopilot. i gotta grip the steering wheel — hard — or else my troubles will get the best of me.
destructive thoughts are still here but i'm trying to shoo them away. i wish “out of sight, out of mind” was applicable to me. sigh. i just try to relax.
or just sleep.